Category Archives: Satire

Three Things To Make You Rich

October 12, 2016 Jeremy Rawls Leave a comment

Read this article in its’ entirety to get the answer you seek. It may have been right in front of you the whole time.

You knew that title was fake, right? If not, you do now! Well, sort of fake. I mean, this has a purpose, but the answer isn’t until the end of the article. The answer you are looking for, anyway.

Unfortunately, there are no easy items/ways to just make you rich, but there are 3 things for you to consider:

Stop reading articles meant to mislead you (like this one; see what I did there…).
Be more cognizant of what is going on in the outside world: travel.
Stop supporting bad writers/writing/media/news. You feed them; they grow and they are now out of control.

There are too many writers or journalists out there ripping you off with bad judgment and good intentions, stealing your free time with mind-numbing garbage. The truth is out there folks, you just keep looking in the wrong direction. One major thing to realize is that all writing is fiction, no matter the topic, so take it with a grain of salt.

I am not a journalist. I consider the term as vulgar, so you will not see me doing “Late Breaking News!” That is just click bait for poor writing. The title of this article is also click bait, meant to show you just how easy it is to have a title that doesn’t even relate to the article, which is mostly what you read these days. It’s infuriating isn’t it? I know, right!

If you like short stories, stick around my site and read a few. If not, I would challenge you to read and tell me you don’t like the stories anyway. Stories are created for a purpose; to convey a message. You have the time. Don’t give me that excuse, sitting on the toilet playing Candy Crush or some mess.

If you like scholarly journals, go to The Warfighter Journal for leadership, historical, and military related articles, but quit reading dumb stuff. It’s killing us, and you know better. The dumbing down of America has been in full swing for way too long. We will break that trend together. Share this post and start the discussion of a better life of reading, or you can just share it to troll your friends. Either way, I am going to monitor the numbers and see just how people deal with click bait articles. Thanks for participating.

psss. Finally the answer!

If you want to really be rich, help in your community. Money isn’t everything and you knew that to begin with. Now go out and make a difference in the world.

Satire

W.A.R.

January 27, 2016 Jeremy Rawls 4 Comments

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Greetings,

Here at Warriors Against Reintegration (W.A.R.), we pride ourselves in doing the opposite of what culture demands of us. We are warriors, and warriors don’t conform. No shit right? You would think this would be a no-brainer. We didn’t choose this path just to backtrack and be “Billy on the Block”. Transition isn’t real. It is a farce of bubblegum ideology from hippie-dippie socialist. Don’t fall into that punji trap. Join the W.A.R. movement, and keep being awesome.

Have you ever gone to a bar and had some dip shit give you the googlie eye because you have a t-shirt that has your branch of service on it? They should if you wear a bunch of moto trash, like custom made Nike’s with airbrushed HOOAH on the sides or some mess. No, you are the casual veteran that likes to rep a tee every now and then. You leave your shield at the door. Why do we not have shield racks? I will tell you why: a bunch of self-righteous hippies think shields are the devil, so they would rather have bicycle racks for their gender-confused friends and space for the mobility scooters of the impossibly obese. Have that hipster hold your axe the next time you order a beer. Hopefully his sissy arms won’t break under the weight of an 8 pound household item.

That’s right, we are bringing sissy back like it’s 1995. The populace at large doesn’t know diddly about us, nor do they actually care to take the time to learn. Don’t you stand there and lie to me saying you genuinely care and support the troops. That was a magnet your ass bought from Walmart. Half of the civilian population would think the Department of Defense is the governing body of Mixed Martial Arts if you told them. Saving some cross-eyed toads in a third world country on the other side of the planet is more important than actually knowing about the people around in any general sense. Isn’t that right hippies? That old man down the street is just some jerk, because he tells you to slow down when you blast through in your 84 Honda. Never mind that he has shrapnel in his spine and still holds a day job.

We aren’t going to let a bunch of limp-wristed-jack-wagons tell us to be something we are not. Why you ask? Because we don’t care what a bunch of Nancy Boys feel like because they live at home with their parents and rage on Call of Duty. The shit show of college bound, pseudo intellectuals continues to divide our nation in an attempt to gain one more participation trophy by gargling man parts. We don’t do participation trophies homie (except for the Army…that damn participation ribbon-you know which one). What we give out is earned, and usually by some unfortunate turn of painful events that often leave lifelong scaring and mental anguish. You better get you some scaring and mental anguish if you want street cred in this establishment. Getting stabbed with a fork from your cousin Dante doesn’t count. Neither does getting bit by your aunts’ vicious Chihuahua; even if it was on your eyeball. Should have stayed out of the little fuckers’ face.

Only warriors need apply. Sword-carrying, gun-slinging, angry, men and women need to tell those sissy, hipster do-nothings to go suck start a Harley. We will not retract, retreat, or reintegrate. It is time we rise. We are W.A.R., and we are truly legion. Eat shit comic books; we’ve got this.

P.S. Hillary Clinton is a traitor worse than Jane Fonda. When did it become popular to get people killed and make a career on camera afterwards? I will tell you when: hippies. Hippies are the root to the cancerous core that spawned hipsters and frappuccinos. They also ruined Batman with Ben Affleck’s dumb ass. Call your congressman. Do something to stem the tide of idiocy today, but mainly find that one ass-hat that hasn’t arrested Hillary Clinton yet. What the hell is this person waiting for? Get your shit together Trey Gowdy, quit tiptoeing. Tell that security detail to bust out the handcuffs and lay the smack down on that traitorous clown.

Thank you.

Warriors Against Reintegration (W.A.R.)

Satire

All Hail to the Church of Emotions

November 22, 2015 Jeremy Rawls 2 Comments

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Welcome to the new Inquisition; a softer, gentler Inquisition prepared to kill you with kindness. Common sense is now burned in street bonfires with full media coverage. You can be reported to the PC police for minor infractions, labeling you for your actions with drastic consequences if your emotions do not align with the judging leaders. If you disagree, you can be placed on public display for the masses to chant and point their fingers through social media. Nowhere is safe; and nothing is without scrutiny.

You, the heretic, have entered into their holy world, encompassing the globe through ties of humanitarian aid with the new nobility of Hollywood stars shepherding the masses to enlightenment. You were born a heretic, as your privilege has deemed you labeled based on your class, gender, race and so on. If you refuse to self-identify, you are the lowest of the low, worthy of only being a social outcast for your blasphemy.

Borders have been erected with imagination. Flags of equality fly high over the heads of the indoctrinated as they march forth to seek out all heresy. The followers drink Starbucks, wear skinny jeans with black socks and Chucks, and sport stickers dedicated to their favorite belief or idol of their chosen emotion. They lecture on the virtues of microbreweries, healthy food options, and trendy new books. Often, they congregate to pray to their favored musical saint, fully subscribing in their message of “The lyrics don’t matter. I just like the beat.” The musical saints preach from stages with great fanfare far and wide. Their dedication leads them to denounce clothing in an effort to prove their emotional identity or lack thereof, utilizing vast amounts of glitter and an ever expanding marketing scheme.

Individualism is the mantra. One must focus on ones emotions to the extreme for salvation. Failure in life is permitted; failure to your emotions is not. As Shakespeare wrote Polonius to say, “This above all: to thine own self be true” you are encouraged to speak your individual gospel at all times, even when it is inappropriate or irrelevant. (Hamlet 1.3, 78) Your emotions take precedent over all proceedings. Anyone that disagrees is a heretic and must be dealt with swiftly.

The crusader army is battling from government lawns under cheap Walmart tents. They chant for $15 an hour and various free items usually associated with a college education. Your degree (or the one that will ultimately be given to you) is your badge of office; a step higher in the rank and file of your church. Your dedication must be rewarded in the form of temporary achievements. Oh you, the esteemed recipient of the participation award. Your religion discredits the need to focus on the future. No, now it is all about you. You in the now and how you feel are all that matters. Raise your fist to the sky to chant your battle cry: “I am offended!”

All hail the Church of Emotions.